Opening the garage

So, tonight I attended my first therapy session. I had in my mind it would be a Q and A session with me the main attraction. What was this like, why did you do that do you think, how do you feel now etc etc..but it wasn’t. My therapist, an older softly spoken man welcomed me with a soft smile and an even softer hand shake. I came in and sat down. He first asked how my day was. What plans for the weekend etc. Nice normal small talk. Then after that started to dry up… So why are you here then. It then became apparent that this was no longer small talk… He was no longer laughing about diy stories. He was tuned in and ready to work. I started with the truth. I think I have a problem with my emotions and a need to be wanted. I think this has stopped me from loving and stopped me forming good solid relationships. After saying those words out loud it became real to me! This isn’t some game I’m playing. This is me. Who I am. I’m about to show someone the real me… Demons…monsters my insecurities…The works. We then discussed some things that we had talked about on the phone and he then went on to ask me to tell him a little about my relationships with my parents and siblings… Friends… Girlfriends.. ex girlfriends… All in all he allowed me to take to the floor. To speak about anything I wanted to. I told him about the ex and best friend. I told him about my childhood About my grandma leaving me and my sister at the age of 8 and 10 so she could go out and get pissed. About the family issues. The drugs… Then my turn to alcohol my encounter with depression. Every now and again he took to his pencil to scribble stuff down. I seemed to slow and go more quieter when he first did it. We spoke briefly about what I would like to happen moving forward and what my future could look like or wouldn’t look like if I didn’t seek help…. I over ran my slot by ten mins or so. He set me some kind of home work and that was to keep track of the times I want attention or feel like I want someone to want me. This can come in any form… From starting a convo pointlessly… To making a statement on a group or feeling the urge to get involved with something for the attention. He said we can talk during next week on the phone and then have another session afterwards.

I asked him what his notes where for and he said that he likes to make sure he gets everything out of me so that we leave no stone unturned.

Leaving I felt like a weight had been lifted. It wasn’t as bad as I preconceived. It , believe it or not was actually therapeutic. He didn’t interrupt only intervened when my conversation slowed or I struggled to continue. He seemed excited and eager to ask questions when I was struggling.

So Tuesday next week I am going to email him and book in our next chat.